The ONE thing you need to survive

This is a different post.

Because I go deep down into what brought me to a place of healing others… by exposing my own healing.

It’s not secret. 

It’s in my E-book in chunks.

And even this doesn’t cover all of it.

There was even more. Extortion, threats, physical violence, emotional pain.

Not unique.

This is a collective story among many. But it is also mine.

And not one I share as a teaching very often.

But the truth is…there was one thing that led to me surviving multiple traumas in a short period of time.

Life and death.

Pain.

Loss.

Grief.

In 6 years I experienced these things and came out the other side to live a life of health, abundance, joy, love and LIFE.

  • life threatening infection
  • car accident leaving a permanent injury and chronic pain
  • another car accident
  • another life threatening infection
  • I thought I was going to die…
  • my son was hospitalized for 2 weeks at age 3 and they thought it was early stage leukemia – I thought my son was going to die – but it wasn’t
  • my daughter was displaced and shuffled among friends and family through the above
  • both kids suffered abandonment issues from their father
  • who committed suicide 2 days after signing over the house I paid him out for – only to add $80K in debt and another $15K in foreclosure charges so we could keep our home
  • two subsequent significant relationships that include adjective around addiction, infidelity, mental illness, intentional meanness, overall lack of integrity and kindness
  • finding the love of my life and best friend through all of that…and losing him to a motorcycle accident
  • poverty and debt
  • working 4-5 jobs at a time for years
  • lined up at the food bank at times to feed my children
  • begging my church and extended family for loans to keep the lights on
  • chronic pain, chronic illness, chronic fatigue/fibromyalgia, debilitating migraines, IBS, low immune function, anemia
  • the ongoing demands as a solo parent, sole provider (no child support, no life insurance) in a dead end town

I survived all of this – and more. I went back to grad school after doing the work and healing to cure all of the above including PTSD, medication free, and became the strongest, healthiest, hero of my own life.

How I did this isn’t a list of traditional takeaway strategies.

It’s one thing.

I made a choice.

One choice every day – to survive.

And I decided how I wanted to survive based on the story I wanted to tell years down the road about how I owned my life in this time.

The recovery through this almost broke me.

But like most – the power of human resiliency and our brain’s organization to survive reigns supreme.

When we think we can’t take anymore… we take more. 

We survive. We elevate. We become the hero. Not by luck. Not by genetics. Not by all the supportive elements and resources I surrounded myself with (although they helped).

By choice.

One choice.

I will survive.

Every day.

And this is how I want to do it.

You have a choice. 

Get the help you need so you have the capacity of choice. Find an SRT therapist to help you heal your trauma. Other modalities are better than nothing… sometimes. Some make it worse. I only use, I only recommend SRT (Self Regulation Therapy) for true resolution of trauma.

But ultimately – the choice – to survive. Is a daily one. A daily decision – to allow your circumstances to stretch your capacity.

You are capable of far more than you think.

Have the courage to walk through your pain unmedicated – trying all other evidence-based and well researched methods to support your mind and body to allow you to pushing the limits of your own resilience. This is how you become stronger. With the right support. And resources. And sheer determination to come out the other side.

Don’t do it alone.

Don’t expect it to be quick.

Expect that you’ll have setbacks and make mistakes.

Had there not been all that trauma would I ever have participated in those toxic relationships? Not a chance.

Trauma limits your ability to see the full picture of your life and restricts your perspective on every other choice.

Survival mode is not the time you’ll ever make good life choices.

So you have to start with making one choice to survive and get the help you need so you can move into a place of clarity and empowerment. There’s no guilt or shame. Survival mode puts you into a constant mode of scanning for options. They won’t all be good for you. (This is why you don’t do it alone).

There is no secret. Your pain won’t leave with medication or self medication or distraction. Do the work. And choose every day on how you want to claim victory over your life and your brain will organize itself to support you in that.

Want to know more about how I did it? Connect with me here tara@tara-miller.com

 

by Tara Miller

Psychotherapist & writer. Helping you live your fullest life using neuroscience based SRT (Self Regulation Therapy). Specializing in general and trauma therapy.

One thought on “The ONE thing you need to survive

  1. Gary Dashney says:

    Wow, you’ve been through a lot, Tara! Thank you so much for sharing your story, with us. It’s clear to me now why you do what you do on this blog and through your SRT therapy services. Wanting to make meaning out of what you’ve been through. And, you’ve been through a lot and have come out the other side of it successfully and whole. Now fully equipped and ready, you can shine a light on the path of others and guide them to success as well. Choosing to survive and be the hero of your life. Showing others how to do the same.

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